hurm. ;[

lol. i am rorschach?

MY UPDATE 4 THE YEAR.

fml. im so confused.

JACKIE?

great, just great.

why do i even commission? everytime i have done so, it ends up in failure.

i commissioned this costume and it just barely fits. they made it strrange and it's too tight everywhere. it will fit a little better when i bind my chest and wear this thing that slims me down. im angry that i have to invest in this costume to make it fit me correctly, i did that LAST time.

i invested like...40 bucks to fix it.

god, i hate this.

I've not posted in this POS in ages, I don't know why. It used to be something really special to come online and post on my LJ, but it's not anymore. Alot of the people on my friends list don't consider me their friends, they've not IM'd me, emailed me or anything and when I contact them they are usually too busy to talk. I don't have many irl friends anymore as they've all moved away, stop contacting me or moved on with their lives in places too far for me to visit realistically.

I'd really like to find myself someone I can be emotionally attached to. I was very intune with ken, but he seemed interested in himself too much and never really had time for me. I was always so excited to be around him because of how forward he was with his emotions, but he just ended up not seeming as interested as I thought. I thought him and I was going to start a relationship that ended up going belly up. ;/

There is this boy Jon who is ...interested in me, but he's very creepy to me and weirds me out.

I'm tired of feeling unattractive, stupid and excluded.

I've put so much emotional efforts in people that I used to be interested in but they were never reciprocated. Whether it was because I wasn't attractive to them physically, sexually or otherwise.

Truth is, I've never been the same since my ex-boyfriend Christopher. He was very mean to me when I went to visit him, cruel even, saying awful things about me and my body that I've never gotten over. The longer I go without actual affection, the harder it is for me to accept that I can be loved.

I don't think I really can in a romantic sense. I've not been really in love in a long time, I mean the feeling that gets your heart pounding, excited to see that person, wanting to be near them..kind of thing. I've been in several online relationships because I can manage to attract anybody in real life that is not a creep, a gang-banger look-alike or a 50 year old black male whose interested in me.

Am I that ugly that I can't attract someone irl that thinks I'm worth more than a cheap fuck? I've been a virgin for so long, I don't even care if I ever lose my virginity anymore. What's the point? No one finds me attractive enough to be with me for more than a few months. Every time I am interested in someone, I usually end up disappointed because I'm too scared to even bother being open.

Maybe trying E-Harmony would be a good choice for me.

I don't want to hear that whole: You have to love yourself for someone to love you. -- Shut up, I'm perfectly fine. Nobody really loves themself anyways, unless they are attractive/sucessful/awesome and then they really don't have any damn problems about their self esteem anyways.

There isn't a person for everyone. I highly doubt that I'll ever find someone for me.

What a fucking bitch.

KAN IT B RENAME OKEN TEIM NAO IJ?

I'm cutting some people from my friends-list, if you were one of them and want to be put back, please leave a message.

I'm so pissed and i fucking hate myself >_M

so, kevin died and i went to his funeral. it was like i lost an uncle, i tried to be affectionate to my aunt iva who had to be pulled from kevin's casket by her son, my cousin, Romie.

it got me thinking about what would happen if i lost someone of my family. what would happen if my dad lost one of his brothers? what if he lost Richard or Miguel? it'd kill my dad, i'd kill me.

my grandparents are old and i get upset when i think about them, so i try to cling to them whenever they are around. even though i didn't do very much crying because it seemed other people needed someone strong to hang onto, i tried to be comforting.

btw, i met my uncle earl's brother Alvin-Eugene. omfg, he's insane! he's an 80 year old man! He was very well animated and was like,' i had women everywhere! i dunno why i ever got married! they were all over me.' i'm like, lmao......very funny.

then my grandpa got this...boost of life or something, i never saw him acting so strange! he hit a bird, almost hit a mailbox, singing, swerved some on the road and just said some funny things.

if anyone here knows about my grandpa, he's really serious and doesn't laugh much. so him going "HEHEHEH -swerve-" was scary and funny, lmao. the bird flying into the windshield was hilarious.

kevin's son aaron better visit iva more often. she could use him, he look sjust like kevin. it would help ease her pain. my sister has something in her ass, she's just too serious now.

see, after the fineral everyone was hanging around and talking about stuff. john, her boyfriend, was being serious and looking around and being unsocial. so, i was picking on him and saying stuff like, ' john you look the same like forever' and he wasn't listening to me really. when he wasn't talking to niva, i went to niva and said:

"john doesn't smile, John doesn't frown, John look sthe same all year round" XD! SHE GOT SOOOO MAD, lmao. Everyone else, even john, found it hilarious. we also had a dinner at a resturant and the woman messed up our order and everyone's food was col and my grandma only got green beans, lOL.

when she was about to pray for our food, I said,"Pray over those green beans, Memaw" LMAO XD SHE STARTED LAIGHING REALLY HARD XD! Y'know, everyone tells me how 'wrong' i am for some of the things i say.

durdurdur, but they sure don't mind laughing at it!

other news: not going to ohayocon, i think depression and no money have lots to do with it. i gained some weight and want to lose it. i also HAVE to get a job >_

So, I'm still trying to find another job. It's so fucking retarded!

I also bought a fabulous Yazoo wig on ebay, I can't wait til it shows up. I also pulled out some of my old costumes and I looked over them and rolled my eyes like, "I actually wore this" @_@? I cannot believe I went out in public like that, lol.

Oh well, gaygaygaygaygay. -_-;

On Second Life:
-Billy, your computer is expensive and up to date, lol. I don't want to hear you give me bullshit about how it doesn't work.
- I bought a skin! I finally found one that doesn't look like some idiot drew some bullshit, lolz.
- I tried to find a scripted collar for an RP project on there. -_-; Not working out.
- Everything else is LOLz for me.

On Greatestjournal:
- I have so many threads to finish up -_-;
- Why can't I make Merope be nasty ;[?
- Why does one of my mods believe Merope was raped by Tom Riddle? Lol, yeahyehayeah right.

On Thanksgiving:
-My aunt is being stupid and my grandmother caters to her every whim.
-She does the same to my little cousin.
-Everybody had a problem with sleeping with someone beside them.
-My aunt threw a hissy fit last night for NO reason, lolz.
-My grandma called me this morning to tell me she wasn't going, then called back 10 minutes later and said she was.



I'm also worried about not going to Ohayo-con :/! Oh, fucking well. If not? Brian will have to not cry the entire time. He's the most stupid gayman I've ever met, lol. Maybe I think he's stupid because people say we act alot alike, lmaoooooo!

Charlie rick-rolled with that one song. He posted on it " FF7 REMAKE CONFIRMED" lol. Why, OH WHY, did i click it?

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Rogue Rogue is a strong but tragic personality. She loves Gambit. Because of her mutant powers, she cannot touch anyone without hurting them. Therefore, she longs for human contact. However, this southern gal's strong personality has allowed her to deal with this. Powers: Absorbs lifeforce and powers by touch, Super strength, and flight Rogue 70% Emma Frost 60% Storm 60% Jean Grey 55% Nightcrawler 50% Beast 50% Iceman 50% Cyclops 40% Gambit 35% Wolverine 15% Colossus 15%

Okay, I haven't updated this thing since I moved usernames. I haven't updated in a loooooooooooooong time, I guess because I thought that nobody really read this thing.

However, I removed alot of people from my friends list and you might still be on. If you were removed and want to be re-added let me know. I was thinking of making this friends only but nah ;]

Anyways, I guess to update I should start somewhere?

I'm currently looking for a new job, the one I did have was only paying me about 30-40 bucks a week, if that. It's pretty sad, I kind of liked the place it wasn't to bad and the pay was good. So, I quit, I know I'll have problems finding a job though which sucks ass.

Last year I changed my hairstyle because I needed a new look, more or less a change. You can check the lj cut for the new hair :]! I'm also trying to lose some weight.

I've also decided not to sew anymore, unless it's something I can make without crying over it. I think I should just commission from now on.. Some people like the stress of wanting to tear out their hair to make a perfect costume.

I don't come close to perfect, or even good and I stress out over it, lol. I won best costume at a convention once and that's good enough for me. I just wanna run around and get my picture taken of my costumes, lol!

Anyways, onto my pictures ;]!

( picz n stuff )

Again, Again. If you want my new LJ. Leave a comment.

I've decided to do it. I'm switching LJ's. If you want it, let me know. Meaning post your AIM here. I don't want to give it out to the old people who will just add me for no fuckin' reason. I want to give it over AIM. Those who comment with an AIM will get it. Those who don't? Oh well. I don't care much anymore.

I'm not sure, but I've been thinking about leaving LJ for sometime. Or perhaps getting a new LJ name and leaving this name behind in all it's drama. After all, hardly anybody comment and I think my friends here are bloody sick of seeing me complain about my life. Because that is what my LJ is used for.

Anyone care for the new LJ if I make one? Comment if so.

disappointed..-.-;; mother fuckers.

I guess, I haven't update this rubbish in some time. I suppose I should. Otakon was bad, I hardly enjoyed myself other than the fact that too much money I personally spent that I won't ever see again. Doesn't matter, I suppose. I've had alot of friend-fall outs recently and I'm not particualrly ina good mood and I'm having a problem.

I am in love with someone, but this someone has some problems preventing me from going forewrd. Not much I can do, but I guess I will just wait around or something.

Alright, so apparently my dad took my checks and put them in his bank I've been waiting since the 13th of July to pay my cellphone bill with it. But my dad has myf uckin' check and then they know I go to the fuckin' Otakon next week so they start harping me on all my fuckin' bills as usual. So I end up getting more behind and more behind, because when I say ' my bills can wait' they go and deal with it regaurdless then I end up oweing money because they don't want to let me pay my bills WHEN I NEED TO PAY MY BILLS.

Fuckin' ridiculous.

So then, my dad was telling me that on my credit card I have 180 dollars, which was more then enough to support the car for Otakon. So, I said I'd use my creditcard. But they don't fuckin' know is I'm paying for the car by myself because everybody fuckin' going with me bought plane tickets and didn't fuckin' ask me before doing it so I'm stck probably riding with so guy I really don't fuckin' know or care about and from what I hear he's a fuckin' nitwit.

So anyways, I start looking over the table for my credit-card statements and I asked where it was. He didn't say on the table, he wastrying to show me where the hell it was by pointing me a around like a fuckin' cat looking for the red light from a laser pointer. So I am real fuckin' pissed now, because he's making look like a fuckin' idiot trying to point at something I can't see. Then he started treating me like a fucking kid so I said.

" Maybe, if you'd just told me it was on the fucking table I would of found it myself"

Now he's " That's it your done, no more swearing for you in THIS house". Which was just so godamn immature of him, because he swears and if he cannot find somethign right away he needs to be showed where it is. How is a unobservant fuck, going to tell me the same fuckin' thing?

You now what?

He's not, so fuck him I'll swear all I want and x100 more just for telling me that i can't :). They try to control my life and the second i snap back because I get sick of getting fuckin' annoyed that get on my ass. FOR NO FUCKING PARTCULAR REASON THEY NEED TO BITCH AT ME WHEN I COEM HOME FROM WORK NOT OH HI NIJ HOW ARE YOU!?!?!

MOR ELIKE
" NIJ WHAT ARE YOUD OING COME HEREI NEED TYOU TO HELP ME WITH THE MINDLESS FUCKING SHIT I COULD DO ON MY OWN!"

But do any of you that have time, could you help me set up a gallery for my website? It's like a PHP thing and a MySQL thing and I am stupid....;-;

The recent drama in my life, needs to die.

( So, the drama )

my birthday is today weeee im old

Gabriel Damon, just emailed me. Holy fuck and my letter to him, was just lame as fuck.

He prolly thinks, I'm a internet dweeb.

In the Liz drama-queen fest, apparently she was telling her mother that I had to sic my friends on her like a little lying bitch that she is xD. Maybe, if she'd stop lying and start telling the truth and handling her own problems people wouldn't fuck with her..and you know what... She IM'd my FRIEND and started talking shit about me. ALSO if she clarified and attempted to read the lambpatronus profile@GJ

My character is not a leper douche, they call her a leper just to be dicks. God, wtf. Such an idiot...I mean WTF she calls me a Mary-Sue yet she RP's a character that NEVER made it in the books? So WTF? Most characters who do not even have a speaking part in the books or just a damned last name? Dude, c'mon those can SO be made in MS's..so don't give me that kind of shit like

" Oh ur a mary sue becuz becuz ur not fromt he bookz!111' Bitch you are too, your an idea that never even made it so it doesn't eveb count so STFU. I'm honestly sick of this MARYSUE talk. I've done that HUGE ASS TEST for MS's..and none of my character's are , so plz get off it. You know, I didn't know what a Mary-Sue was until I started RPing Legend of Zelda. I've seen mary-Sue's and honestly just because your character MAY be related SOMEHOW or possibly has a bit of a different look to them doesn't mean shit really. Especially if it's played off right...

Tonks had PINK HAIR wtf. Madam Hooch had like DRAGON EYES. So why can't MY character have white hair and pink eyes? It's totally true and it's a true hair colour and eye colour. No one can have pink hair or dragon eyes for real, it's a world of magic so WTF. C';mon Malfoy has GREY EYES....GREY EYES exist but do you know RARE they are? Not ALOT of people int he world have grey eyes, just like Violet eyes.

They exist but genetic coding can screw it up. You know it's true, and it's al oophole so fuck that idiots of the ' omg ur a mary sue' world. I know WTF I am talking about, I disect Mary-Sue's out I know when I see one. You want to see one?

A pureblooded half vampire girl named Samantha Snape with a lepeard as a pet. SOMEONE actually made that character, that's no bloody joke. It defies all good logic, so since when have I EVER made something I could not explain? Never God, p eople are turly ridiculous. If someone had a generally good idea they would blatantly diss and say OH MY GOD YOU ARE A MARYSUE BECAUSE SHE HAS EYES AND HAIR THAT COULD EXIST :\..? ..You know what's even more stupid?

She's like sort of second or maybe 3rd cousin to Doholov? But I bet that wold be like OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MARUSUE. So shut your mouth, kill yourself and plz leave me be because I am inventive and you are a douche.

^ that is not for anyone on my friends list btw, just douches

Apparently the bitch below the cut thinks I have an ego for my players asking me about the name and ASKING if it was me. Yeah, I felt a little MOCKED but I never said outright that I was to this girl..I just felt a little bit annoyed to know that..:/...I found it weird

We both have AOL
We both have GJ with lambpatronus names
We have each version of Lamb patronus on AIM
We both RP in HP
Cept I ain't a bitch :)
(  STUPID BITCH #2 )

The below is something I WAS going to say but decided they were not worth it and I just told them to leave me be. They do not deserve my attention.


(  I swear this bitch  )

I went to the doctor for a check-up and he told me i might have Diabetes. I hate doctors, I hate nurses. I hate being told something might be wrong with me. Yep. I am scared, I do not want m y family to know... I didn't even want to tell my mom I have it. -sigh- I go in and check in a few days to get tested to see if i have it.

My mom says I probably don't have it. But I am pessamistic about it, because it runs in my family. Jesus Christ, can';t my BODY get a BREAK? But he said that these lines on my neck are a for sure sign, but I've had them since I wa slike......15? No way I could have Daibetes THAT long...SOMEONE would have NOTICED it WAY before then...

I was scared, I ended up crying in the bathroom for five minutes by myself.

How can I be strong for people, if I get shit wrong with me? I don't need that kind of sympathy to tell me that they are sorry I might be sick like them. My grandma and aunt fake it badly and do stupid shit, I do not want to be like them. . .

never

Any thoughts? Any words of wisdom? Anything to comfort me? Thats all.

Well, when I got rid of my domains. I decided I wanted to make a new site but I wanted to make it for this actor I absolutly adore. But he's not popular actor ; Gabriel Damon. Well, anyways I kind of felt bad after getting the domain because what if Gabriel actually came across it himself? Would you feel bad, if someone you adore saw something you made for them and they TOTALLY DISLIKED IT? I mean, the chances are high he'd find it.

So, I kind of was wanting to wait until the release of Planet Ibsen so I could get newer images and stuff. But I didn't put anything up on the site yet, I should but I have not. So, I was looking around the web for more recent pictures and low and behold! I found a site with a nice headshot, I started looking it over and the site is still maintained and whatnot. It said at the bottom if I would like to contact him for an appearance or a speaking arrangement to email this person.

So I did...I was thinking though. ' Eh whatever, least I tried '

So, I actually got a response from them today. They told me that they were going to foreward my email to Gabirel directly so he can contact me himself. That is a good thing for me at least, but I feel a little anxious and not excited to speak with him. I just want to 'get it over with?' or ' hurry up tell me what you like' sort of deal. ....? Does that sound weird, that I really didn't care either way? Oh well, I am glad that I can see what he wants. I mean really it will only help him, it cannot hurt him.

But I'm not a professional website maker, so he might not want something unprofessional?

Oh well, we'll see how it goes. Or maybe, I am sick and just didn't give a damn.

godamn my chest hurts liek a bitch

Okay, nevermind >>;;

Ack, I feel like shit again. I hate people who push me aside and make me feel like I am to be looked at second. It really does depress me, i feel it's a little useless to try to say something to a man who doesn't want to listen to me.

I'm apart of this SL and I feel like he doesn't want me in his SL anymore. I've a ----

nevermind

Tom Riddle: -Steals and snogs.-
Odessa: -snugged-
Tom Riddle: You're so cuuuute. I want to put you in a cage and feed you riiiiice.
Odessa: LOL
Odessa: WHY ;_;
Tom Riddle: YOU'RE CUTEEEE.

that is all I needed lOL

SOMEONE LOL: ack
kitphiros: rofl
OnlineHost: Sweet ChyIde's participation in this chat room has been suspended by the room owner.
OnlineHost: Sweet ChyIde has left the room.
SOMEONE LOL: ejected the bitch
kitphiros: That's going on LJ
kitphiros: PWNED

I know, some of you know nothing about Suikoden and if you don't just skip over this.

(  Idiots, I swear )

Some people have been agitatiting me the last few days, I've also been looking for a strange new roleplay that seemingly has no fandom >>;; Newsies I mean I had a character a long time ago, but that's a long time ago! So, I've decided maybe to rekindle it a little bit? Anyhow, I'm currently working on my HP RP.

While people like Rhi and some other idiots who I won't mention have been less than nice to me...not to mention I've been poked at oon various journals for my ' skillless rp' I'd rather not get too much into it.

So, I'm right pissed about this. I've got work and I sincerely don't want to go.

Maybe, I'll call this boy named Jase later since I missed him yesterday? Ah well, I need to go to work I'm already late :| God, I am so MAD!

Stupid people, you know what you can do?

Fuck off :]

The poor little blonde stray
Doesn't realize rhymes are so cliche
Now I must say, to his dismay
Kiss my ass and go away!

I just noticed, I totally lost a day. I thought today was Saturday. I was getting everything ready for work and I was going to bitch abotu it to myself.

Then I looked at the clock and grimaced hovering over it it said.

" Friday"

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA I thought it was Saturday go me.

Absolutly amazing xD!

Obviously, on the seventh day God did not rest. He created Chuck Norris; his most successful creation.


rofl so wrong

The Sun was actually the explosion resulting from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God after he was told "thou shalt not kill".

The reason America is the strongest military force is due to the fact that other countries simply piss themselves when we threaten them by saying, "Chuck Norris".


ROFL

I am very fuckin' agitaited right now. Sometimes, it really pisses me off

pure n proudest [7:52 AM]: lol, yeah you do. BUt you always have something to say, or I just think of something to tell you... it's different. I'm not scared of taling to you. I'm scared of talking to new people
Slytherin paints [7:52 AM]: That's because I'm like a karate chop
pure n proudest [7:52 AM]: AHAHAHAHA
Slytherin paints [7:52 AM]: IM IN YO FACE
Slytherin paints [7:52 AM]: :O
pure n proudest [7:52 AM]: rofl


omg I cannot bveleive I said that. It's almost as bad as when I told mike Mylo had wings and could fly like super man.

and I HATE OTHERS WHO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY

I hate myself..so much

A few nights ago, I made a post in a community that was asking for someone to help me get a Draco and Harry for my SL on greatestjournal. It was all good until I met the strangest person who decided he wanted to PIMP to me. So of course I let him do some of the pimping.

After he pimped he seemed interestedin helping me. However, you knwo what happened after that? I made a comment about how I really don't like slash al that much. I'm just not a big slash person!

So, this guy starts making it like I am gay bashing on him which I am not. Then I made some comment about how Brokeback mountain was a movie that could have been done better. Which it could have, the movie I could not take serious..

Even though the actors are quite sexy :D

Anyways, so this guy gets all angry and tells me to stop talking to him in which he gets uber mad at me. So I'm like :| feeling bad because I'm offended him YET AGAIN. I've never known any gay man to get offended over anything. Everyone here knows I <3 yaoi I'm all like " AHAHA YAOI SEPHIROTH X CLOUD YUM" I have about 25 yaoi books so wtf don't tell me about not like gay slash >_>;

I just prefer het slash in my games. ;/ is that too hard to dig for or what?


So he tells me about how people were making fun of me.

But how could THAT BE? I mean, I ONLY TOLD HIM that shitty plot that I had...so how could anyone else know about it? I mean wtf?

So after much problems this guy or girl throughly rips into me after her friend or his friend who is the guy who is saying I am stalking him.

HELLO you have to be like......following someone. I said I wanted to work out our issues...what a jerk. -_-;

Today, I was thinking about pets and animals that we love today.

Well, most pets choose one human to be thier 'human' and as people get older they tend to be ignored byt the human they picked. Either because they've outgrown the capacity to love an animal or simply just don't care anymore. Well, this is unfair to the pet that so chose you to love and depend on you to love them back.

I was thinking about Mylo today and how sad I would and will be when he passes away. But I am happy to know, I gave him love and all the attention he could ever need. Mylo is a priority for me, I owe him love attention a nd care for being someone to hold and hug when... that boyfriend or friend or parent is not there to make you feel better.

That little dog, cat, snake, mouse,gerbil,bird or whatever you have knows you need it and it hope syuo'll return it.

Shame on those of you who don't. Maybe I'm asking to much when i say, take some time out and really pay attention to your animal. Hug it kiss it cuddle with it. It is a pity sometimes...;/